Nikki Glaser Jokes Patriots Are 'Only Thing Ben Affleck Can Commit to'

Nikki Glaser left plenty of red flags all over the field during her live roast on Thursday Night Football. 

The comedian, 40, appeared on the Prime Video postgame show Thursday, September 19 following a game between the New York Jets and New England Patriots, the latter of which Glaser called “the only thing that Ben Affleck can commit to.”

During the debut segment, called “Late Hits With Nikki Glaser,” the roast legend also took aim at Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers, calling him “Throw Rogan,” a reference to Rodgers’ friendship with comedian and podcaster Joe Rogan.

“It’s ironic that he goes to silent retreats because he can’t stop talking about it,” Glaser added about Rodgers. “But he’s fun, you know? He lives in New York. He’s always doing his buddy’s podcast; he looks like someone who buys beer for teens. Honestly, I’m shocked I haven’t dated him.”

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Calling herself “pretty new to football,” Glaser admitted she was still getting up to speed on some of the game’s terms and phrases. 

“I used to think a two-minute warning was something a guy gave you one minute into sex,” she joked. 

Still, Glaser expertly addressed former Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who parted ways with the franchise earlier this year after 24 seasons. 

“This has gotta be rough for Bill Belichick,” Glaser said. “Watching his ex rebound with a hot Black guy.”

Former Patriots linebacker Jerod Mayo was announced as Belichick’s successor in January, the first Black coach in franchise history. 

Glaser also addressed Belichick’s rumored relationship with 24-year-old Jordon Hudson, who the former coach has been linked to since June. 

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“I haven’t seen a group of Patriots take an L this bad since January 6th,” Glaser quipped. “ I mean, thank God Belichick wasn’t there to see this. He was too busy watching Blippi with his girlfriend.” (For those not in the know, Blippi is a mega-popular YouTube channel aimed at young children.)

Glaser also didn’t shy away from roasting the Thursday Night Football cohosts by her side, especially when it came to anchor Charissa Thompson. 

“I just have to say, it’s so nice to finally meet the photo I show my plastic surgeon,” Glaser told Thompson, 42. “But seriously, you are pretty intimidating. You look like the final boss at a country club.”

Thursday Night Football fans have not seen the last of Glaser, as she revealed her “Late Hits” segment will return four more times throughout the season.